If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
