i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
