.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
