Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
