yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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