That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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