He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize