I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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