We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
