Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
