I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
