You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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