North Korea, Best Korea!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
