You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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