someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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