Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
