My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
