Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
