I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
