insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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