Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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