I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is it penis luge time yet?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize