Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
