Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
