So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
