Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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