I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
