i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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