either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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