every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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