dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
being pregnant is like rehab
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
