toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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