Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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