She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
did you just send me my own nude
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
