I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
