a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
