I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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