Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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