so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Everclear isn't food dammit
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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