was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
