he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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