Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
