yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
