I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
