My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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