Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
