He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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