That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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