i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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