so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
