the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
