i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
