If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
