Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
