she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my poor anus
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
