Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
