I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
