fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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