Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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