Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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