Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
