Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
two words...techno handjob
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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