omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
