One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
