she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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