I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
