someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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