and you said cock pushups were impossible
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
