i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
